


A Dark World Aches For A Splash Of The Sun

by HunterByDayWhovianByNight



Series: Far Across The Distance And Spaces Between Us [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Masturbation, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 17:22:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13151397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunterByDayWhovianByNight/pseuds/HunterByDayWhovianByNight
Summary: “She loved him not only in spite of but because he himself was incapable of love.” —William Faulkner“Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good.” —Freddie Prinze, Jr.Rey is unsure if she loves Ben or if she loves her idea of him.A/N: Commission-based work.





	A Dark World Aches For A Splash Of The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> This is a commission-based work. I do not ship Reylo. Title from "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant. 
> 
> ~Hunter

Rey lies curled on her side in her tiny quarters, trying to sleep. The bunker they’re hiding in at the moment hums with electricity and creaks every now and then, but the space designated as hers is enough for her to be alone, to be at peace. As she lays under the thin blankets, using her pack or her arm as a pillow, she thinks only of Ben, thinks only of their nightly reaching out. Despite being on the run and in hiding, she thinks of him. Rey feels herself growing fonder of Ben, but she’d never admit that aloud. That much was evident in the longing stare they gave each other as Rey entered the  _ Falcon, _ the one that told him they would see each other again. 

Every part of Rey wants to believe that she will never go to the dark. All the same parts want to believe that Ben will come to the light. Whenever she isn’t busy, she sits against a wall or in her bunk and replays the moment he comes to the light over and over in her head. She feels a single, salty tear slide down her cheek as she watches Ben’s eyes grow soft and loving, fill with the power of the light. It’s foolish to dwell, she knows, but she never stops imagining it. It’s the most perfect moment she knows. 

Rey tries, but fails, to reach out to Ben whenever she thinks of him turning to the light. It seemed as if the force wanted him to stay in the dark, literally and figuratively, so he could come to the light of his own volition. It didn’t stop Rey from trying, though. It’s a girlish, foolish fantasy Rey has, that she has the power to change him and to seduce him towards the light in the way Snoke seduced him to the dark. 

When Rey reached her hand out that night on Luke’s island and projected  _ love, love  _ to Ben, it was the first time she saw no conflict in his eyes. There was no dark, no light, no. All she saw was love in his eyes. Love for her. When their fingers touched and she saw him as a  _ good man  _ in the future, her heart fluttered and burst at the thought that he could change and abandon the dark. The longer their hands touched, the more she wanted to lean in and kiss the man across from her. She saw that he wanted to do the same. Maybe they would’ve, if Luke hadn’t come in. Maybe they would’ve done more than just kiss.   

~~~~~

The connection they have is a great solace to Rey’s lonely mind. She knows how much it hurts Ben to be in constant conflict, to never really be alone in his own thoughts, but she enjoys being able to be  _ so close _ to someone even when they were so distant. For someone to understand her without having to explain how she felt was even more of a benefit to their predicament, and when her mind wandered, she thought of Ben and watched him, just like how he watched her. She wants to see more of him, wants to understand the parts of him nobody cares about. 

Rey sometimes picks up on when Ben subconsciously reaches out to her, when he lets his mind wander whilst he’s distracted. Most of the time, Rey catches his conflict about staying in the dark or going to the light, nothing more. Less often, but still frequent enough to be considered the norm, are his musings about his tumultuous childhood and his (attempted) Jedi training as a teenager. It’s how Rey learned about the majority of Ben’s past, what led him to this moment. She sympathizes with him so greatly and she weeps so many tears over him as she lays in her bed, face in the pillow to muffle the sobs. 

Once, though, was the stray thought about her. When it happened, Rey was mending Poe’s jacket and adding a patch to it when all of a sudden, she was thrust into Ben’s mind. She saw Ben braced against the wall, cowl opened and hair falling into his eyes. He was hard, palming himself over his trousers to a thought of  _ her  _ spread beneath him, their limbs entwined. Rey stopped in her place, needle pierced through the leather but the stitch not completely finished. Watching him made her get hot and bothered; Ben never looked so focused and damningly attractive. She tried to pull away from Ben’s mind, but found herself unable to go back after reaching out. She flushed pink and clamped her hand over her mouth to hide her surprise. The moment was over as soon as it started, and finally, Rey was able to pull back. She continued sewing, crossing her legs to give herself some friction as she tried to clear the sight from her mind. 

Rey notes, after that moment, that Ben is the only person who ever touches her, and when he does, the soft feeling of his fingertips on her arm or hand or cheek leaves her melting. She senses the good in him, the light trying to shine through his darkened soul. She felt it that night on Luke’s island, and feels it each night when they hold hands or rest against each other. It keeps her hopeful. 

One night, they reached out to the other, but didn’t say a word. Rey sensed his feelings, his desire and longing for her, for someone to be there for him. She knew that he wanted to touch her, but couldn’t say it aloud. Keeping her eyes on him, Rey took hold of his hand and laid it on her knee. The feeling of his thumb rubbing the inside of her knee gave her shivers, sent a chill down her spine. Ben slunk to his knees and rested his head in Rey’s lap. She heard soft weeping noises and a sniff. He was crying. Rey laid her hand in his messy black curls and let him cry; she said nothing, just offered a comforting hand. After a few minutes, Ben looked up into her eyes. She looked back. For a brief, glittering moment, she saw the light in his dark eyes. 

~~~~~

What could have happened after she and Ben touched hands on Luke’s island haunts Rey every night without fail. After she and Ben reach out, she settles into her bed on the  _ Falcon  _ or on whatever base they’re at that night and feels herself burn and get wet between her thighs at the thought of him. Sometimes, she slips her fingers inside her trousers and presses them against her clit, resulting in a gasp and a shudder. She doesn’t go further than that, though, at least for a time. A hidden part of Rey wishes that Ben would watch her the way she did to him once, but he is always extremely respectful of her boundaries after they stop reaching out for an evening. 

It was the silence between them and the overwhelming sound of nature all around that heightened the moment their hands touched. It’s what Rey recalls the most whenever she thinks of that night. The fire crackling beside them, the wind outside, the crash of waves on the rocks. Watching Ben take off his glove to  _ truly  _ touch her skin was incredibly arousing; he didn’t even tear his gaze away from her. Ben leaning in to steal a kiss, laying her down and taking her, was gradually added to the memory every night. 

At first, Rey fantasized about curling her hand into Ben’s and pulling him in for a kiss. After, they’d pull away and rest their foreheads against each other with a smile. It was innocent enough, but it became too tame for Rey. She then began to fantasize about their kisses getting heated. Ben kissed her a little rougher, tugged the hair out of her buns. Ben palmed her breast roughly with one hand while pulling her into his lap with the other in those fantasies. Those nights, she gets off quickly and easily. But she took it a step further when even those became too tame. Rey’s fantasies evolved into Ben pushing her down onto the cool stone and slowly removing her clothes, kissing and touching her all over her body. She even thought about Ben burying his head between her thighs, gripping her hips and quickly thrusting into her. Rey felt guilty at first for thinking of Ben in  _ that  _ way, but she figured that what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. It was just a… reinterpretation of events. Yes, a reinterpretation of events. 

~~~~~

Tonight, though, is different. As Rey touches herself, she pictures her and Ben  _ together.  _ Not just sexually, but  _ together.  _ This time, Rey constructs a fantasy of her and Ben living far away from the First Order and the Rebellion. They live on Naboo, a peaceful planet from what she’s been told, near some blue lake and a little forest. Their wedding is a quiet affair beside the lake. Each time Ben takes her to bed, especially on their wedding night, he is gentle and loving. She always knew he could be sensitive if he wanted. 

It’s unbelievable to Rey that she and Ben could be married or have a  _ life,  _ a  _ family.  _ Rey has never even  _ thought  _ of having a family of her own before this moment. They have children, so many children; a little boy and several girls with black or light brown hair and glittering brown eyes. She senses in her soul that in this fantasy, he is in the light. The galaxy, too, is in the light. 

Rey’s fantasy flashes back to their hypothetical wedding night. She envisions Ben pressing her into the mattress with an undeniable tenderness before he slips two fingers inside of her and rubs at her clit with his thumb. Rey smiles to herself as she imitates fantasy Ben’s ministrations and pants as she feels herself getting closer. As she works her fingers inside of herself, she imagines they’re actually Ben’s hard cock, moving in and out of her at a gentle pace before transforming into a near-relentless one. Rey roughly palms her breast with her free hand and imagines it’s Ben’s larger one trying to get a grip on her as he takes her. Rey channels all of her energy into creating the ideal world, the ideal moment for her and Ben. 

Ben senses that Rey is subconsciously reaching out to him, and so he enters her mind. What he doesn’t expect is for her to be thinking of the two of them being intimate and masturbating on top of it. Ben knows she’s a virgin, and he is too, but it doesn’t negate the fact that her imagination is very vivid for someone with no experience. Ben blushes at Rey’s fantasies of them together and feels slightly embarrassed at watching Rey get off in private. He can’t withdraw from her mind, but then he sees them living on Naboo together, married, raising a family, living in the light. It tugs at his heartstrings and a tear rolls down his cheek. It’s… warming, he guesses, to know that she sees him that way. Hesitantly, Kylo sits beside Rey on her bed and lays a hand on her arm, praying to whoever was listening that she won’t realize he’s there. 

Rey bites her lip so that nobody will hear her when she gasps and shudders. With a well-placed angle of her fingers and the heel of her palm on her clit, she comes, her dream with Ben ending similarly. Rey keeps her eyes squeezed shut as she rides the initial waves of bliss, but the feeling of Ben’s loving touch and warm kisses are still in her mind’s eye. 

Or, at least, that’s what she thought. Rey swore that she felt Ben touching her, kissing her. She swore that she heard his voice whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Rey dismisses it as a figment of her imagination, figuring that her senses got too caught up in the moment as she touched herself. Panting, she lays on her back and rolls her head to the side. Ben is there, right beside Rey, his warmth emanating through his clothes. She gasps and sits up, trying to keep as quiet as possible even though  _ she wants answers. _ Ben puts a finger over her lips to quiet her, but to no avail. 

“What-“ Rey starts, unable to even  _ find  _ the words she wants to say to Ben. She bats his finger away from her lips. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben says, hanging his head. “You were reaching out and I… I didn’t know you were,” Ben clears his throat, “ already engaged.” Rey blushes pink and averts her eyes, recalling how Ben didn’t realize she was there the time she watched him masturbate. 

“It’s alright, Ben.” 

Rey looks up into his eyes and Ben looks down into hers. The tension between them is undeniable and they both slowly, timidly,  _ hesitantly _ lean in to kiss one another. It’s a mere brush of lips at first, but it sends Rey reeling. She’s never kissed anyone before, and the sensation is enough to send a jolt of pleasure down to her groin. Kissing through the force is almost better than touching through the force. They breathe heavily against each other’s mouths, sharing the same hot air before Rey gives Ben a slightly more forceful kiss, pressing their lips together with a fervor. Rey’s hands get fidgety and she longs to pull at Ben’s clothes. 

“That your first kiss?” Rey questions, eyes shut and forehead resting against Ben’s. Her chest rises and falls in time with Ben’s and it makes her feel all the more connected to him. 

“Could you tell?” Ben scoffs, a smile on the edge of his words. It makes Rey chuckle softly, but she doesn’t respond. 

A beat passes in silence. “Is this what you want?” Ben asks. “The, the… the family? The house on Naboo? Us? Do you want it, Rey?”

Rey nods. “I do.” Rey’s heart threatens to burst out of her ribcage and her breath catches in her throat. She moves her body closer to Ben’s, wanting to feel more of his warmth. Rey touches her fingers to Ben’s cheek and curls her fingers against his face in near desperation. “I want you to turn to the light, Ben. Please. For me.”

“As you said: one day I will be in the light,” Ben replies. They both leave Rey’s eventual turn to the dark unsaid. It wouldn’t be right to bring it up now, when they were both so close. Ben’s acknowledgement of his future, though, gives Rey hope. 

“I don’t think I can manage Naboo or the family at the moment, but,” Ben says as he gathers Rey into his lap, “I could manage the… other part.” Ben could barely say the last part of his sentence; it felt too dirty to even say aloud. 

“Please?” Rey asks, trying not to beg. Ben whispers  _ of course  _ against her lips and kisses her again, holding her close and not wanting to tear away. Rey doesn’t want him to, either. 

Rey wants him closer, wants to feel his skin, so she pulls his cowl up and over his head to leave him bare. She stares down in awe at his chest, rippling with muscle each time he breathes. Rey shifts in Ben’s lap and notices his hard cock through their trousers. She feels herself get aroused the longer she looks at him. Ben sits before Rey, unmoving as she touches his pectorals with her fingers; the skin there is soft. Rey presses the flat of her hand to his chest and explores him, touching his collarbones, his arms, his abdomen. Ben’s muscles tense and relax below Rey’s palm, but she knows that her touch is welcome. She sees it in his mind. Ben finds the tie on Rey’s top and pulls it loose, revealing her pale skin and breasts to him. The action sends Rey’s heart into overtime, and Ben feels how forcefully her heart is beating. He stops and pulls his hands away. 

“Do you really-“

“I do,” Rey replies. “I’m just nervous.” 

Rey wants to kick herself; she can’t believe that she has these impossible nerves. She wants Ben, wants to feel him the way she’s imagined him. Rey takes his hands and places them on her hips, hoping he understands what she wants. Ben lifts her off his lap and onto the bed with ease, making Rey cry out in surprise. Ben’s hands remove her trousers and underclothes in a swift movement and Rey shivers at the cool air on her uncovered skin. 

Ben kneels on the ground in front of Rey, looking up at her reverently as he parts her legs and gingerly places his head between her thighs. He’s never done this before, but he wants her to have this. When he peppers kisses on her thighs, Rey shivers. She wants him to get nearer to where she needs it, and then all of a sudden, he uses the flat of his tongue to lick up her slit and then swirl his tongue around her clit. His fingers push apart her lips and he teases her hole with the tip of his tongue. Rey sinks down into the bed and arches her spine, her hair getting mussed as she tips her head back. She cries out before clamping her hand over her mouth and pulling Ben closer by his long, black curls. Rey feels Ben’s tongue slip inside of her as he uses his thumb on her clit and she bites her palm to stay quiet. She shivers as he laps at her, even gently nips at her. It all makes Rey pull his face closer to her body and squeeze her legs around his head tighter. 

Too soon, Ben pulls away from her sex and Rey whimpers in discontent. But then he stands up and removes his boots and pulls down his trousers. Rey would be lying if she said she did not gasp when she sees him completely unclothed for the first time. Her eyes scan everywhere, including his hardened cock, and more arousal and wetness gathers between her legs. When she finally meets his eyes, he joins her on the bed. There’s barely enough room for his taller frame and they both quietly smile and laugh as they attempt to maneuver themselves into a decently comfortable position. 

“I’ll make it up to you one day,” Ben says as he lays her on the bed beneath him. Rey pushes Ben’s black curls behind his ear and smiles in eagerness. 

“There’ll be a next time?” Rey implores as Ben parts her legs again and positions his hips and hard cock between them. She can feel its blunt head against her slit and she fists the bedsheets in preparation for Ben to enter her. They lock eyes, seeing the other in the dim light. 

“If you want there to be,” Ben whispers against her lips as he pushes into her and feels her warmth around him. Rey’s thoughts of them doing this in person, not separated by the light years, are scattered to the back of her mind as she feels the burn and stretch of Ben inside of her. She grips the sheets even tighter in her hands as she adjusts to the feeling of Ben’s cock. Rey tilts her head back and bends her legs as her abdominal muscles adapt to this new sensation. In the back of her head, she knows she looks like a vision, a Venus in Ben’s virginal mind. 

“Can I?” Ben asks, tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. Rey doesn’t particularly know what she’s agreeing to, but she’s interested and nods. She wraps a hand around his bicep to brace herself as he rocks in and out of her. Her grip is so tight that it will probably leave a bruise. Ben feels so foreign and  _ heavy  _ inside of her, but maybe it’s because her legs are too close together. She’s heard before that it can be more comfortable if she wraps a leg around his waist, and when she does so, it all feels so much better. A breathy sigh, a moan, almost, releases from Rey’s mouth and for a moment, she doesn’t care if anyone hears her. Ben kisses her to drown out the noises she’s making, but it’s an uncoordinated and sloppy kiss, with their lips sliding over each other. 

_ Stars,  _ Rey thinks to herself. They’re having sex through the force, and even though this is her first time, it feels… different. It should be impossible to feel this connected, this close to someone else. Rey feels fused to him, and maybe it’s just because they’re connected by the force, but it feels deeper than that. She feels it in her soul. As she meets Ben’s hips with rolls of her own, she hears him pant, make noises of his own. With a buck of her hips, Ben stills for a moment and groans, deep in his throat, against her ear. Rey sees the light sheen of sweat on their brows and chests in the dim light, and she looks up at Ben once again, to more deeply connect with him. When he looks back, Rey finds only one word for it: beautiful. 

When they come, it feels like the force is at a near-perfect balance. Rey breathes out  _ Ben _ into his ear, pierces the skin on his shoulder blades with her nails, squeezes her legs tighter around him. She wants to be closer. This moment, right now, embodies what the balance in the force is really like. Ben buries his head in Rey’s shoulder, and she distantly feels him kiss her there. She’s riding such a high right now that every sensation feels far away and muted. There’s liquid warmth pooling inside her, and it takes Rey a moment to realize that it’s Ben’s come seeping out of her and onto the sheets. It won’t register until much later that it was possible for her to get with child because Ben came in her. It all feels so hazy. 

Ben’s the first to speak, as soon as he pulls out of Rey and lays by her side. “Was that fine?“

“More than fine,” Rey laughs, and it’s true. “I really felt the force, for the first time.” She pauses. “Well, I’ve felt the force before, obviously, but it was more like…” Rey trailed off, unable to find the right words. 

“Experiencing it?” Ben muses. He turns his head to look at Rey and she nods. 

“Like experiencing it,” Rey repeats, twining her slender fingers with Ben’s thicker ones. It goes unspoken, but the look they share is one of love. Rey’s heart soars as she sees Ben’s soul come to the light. Ben’s wide brown eyes gain a sparkle to them, one she recognized as the light. But Ben’s heart breaks while Rey’s soars. In this moment, in the dim light, he sees the moment they both dread. The glint in her eyes goes dark and there’s something evil inside of her that he never saw before. It makes their liaison bittersweet. 

Rey blushes when Ben gently reaches over and takes her face in his hands to lay a kiss on her forehead, on her nose, on her lips. Rey closes her eyes as Ben kisses her face, and when she opens them again, he is gone. She lets out a single, disappointed exhale, but she knows that he will be back tomorrow night. Rey settles into her bed, curling up into herself to fit. She flutters her eyes shut, and all she dreams of is Ben. 

~~~~~

Ben looks at Rey with a hunger she’s never seen before when she stands before him at the edge of his ship, her toes touching the walkway. Rey finds herself grinning like an idiot as she looks up at Ben. They’re on Naboo. 

“Is this next time?” Rey asks. She’s never seen Ben smile so widely. 

**Author's Note:**

> me, in ya brain: kudos/comment on this fic  
> you: but why  
> me, in ya brain: you gotta
> 
> ~Hunter


End file.
